Aired 5 years ago on WCPT 820 

After 7 Kids And 25 Years Of Marriage, This Closet Lesbian Ultra-Orthodox Jewish Woman Reached Her Breaking Point

Raised in a Jewish family in Dallas, Texas, Leah Lax joined an ultra-orthodox Jewish sect at the age of 15 before "leaving it at a run" 30 years later. In this interview she talks about what finally pushed her to leave the Lubavitch community and come out of the closet.

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"For the first time that little quiet voice that we all have, that we are all good at ignoring, was screaming."

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Rob Stothard Mario Tama Spencer Platt Sarah Rice Paula Bronstein
TRANSCRIPT This transcript was generated by AudioBurst technologies

What was the breaking point?  -Well I was quickly sort of pushed into an arranged marriage at 18, I was engaged at 19, I was married to a guy I just met and they don't allow birth control so I had seven kids in ten years. So I stayed a long time because they were my world they were my everything besides I grew up in the Hasidic world so I didn't really have the skills of an adult in the world. - Ya. - And you know it took all my energy to build the structure of my kids lives,  I was deeply invested I stayed nearly 30 years. - Wow. - There are a lot of turning points I kept internal and didn't change, I changed on the inside but they stayed the course, stayed the course because as woman my opinions or feeling they didn't really count, and when you live with your in a life that says alright don't speak aloud in public and keep your body covered, you know what you wear, fashion anyway has all this kind of subliminal message and the very act of having to keep my head covered and covered clothing which women have to do all over the world its a subliminal message of you need to be covered in the world, your body is you and it doesn't really count its something to be ashamed of, your voice don't listen to it because it should really keep quiet, you don't even hear your own voice. So those turning points that changed me, didn't make me move until it was too much,  the biggest turning point though was after seven kids when the seventh was born and my oldest was ten years old and the seventh was premature you can imagine the level of exhaustion. - Oh ya. - And I could pregnant again and that's when everything changed. For the first time that little quiet voice that we all have that we are all good at ignoring was screaming going, this isn't a baby this is a thing that will kill you and it was very powerful for me and I would stand back and go what are you a monster, what is wrong with you, we didn't believe in abortion and I couldn't think of anything but. - Wow. - I was quite quite driven and I did, I had an abortion. -Wow, I am sure that went over well with your husband, ya. - Well, then I told him and that I was going to do it and he called me a murderer and he screamed at me and he said he would divorce me, which to me, I didn't even know American law so I didn't know about child support, you know I thought it would thrust me out alone in the world lose my children who were everything, - right - you know skills to exist and I was still prepared  to go through that because the alternative I was sure I was going to die. - And then he cried he did't really want to hurt me I was just confused.